SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
Thanks quite a lot for coming to my recent gigs at The Bridge Hotel and The Cluny in Newcastle. The Bridge Hotel gig raised a fair amount of money for charity. Mr Ian Courtney who organised the whole event did tell me but I forget the amount (I’m not going to bother looking it up either as I know you all had a lovely night and knowing that you did a little bit of good by attending only enhances your massive spectator ego). The Cluny was great too. We had a lovely night and I took home a massive £25 profit for the whole event (which is roughly the amount of money I spent on beer while I was there). I’m usually dead happy whatever!
I’m pleased as I think these 2 gigs have been my best yet since I reformed myself into Meiosis again. It’s been well over a year now and I think I’m finally getting the hang of doing everything on my own. My guitar playing is getting better for it (my singing is deteriorating like my hair and my youth) and I think I have got the hang of knowing what I am meant to be doing on stage in the first place. Which is quite nice.
I’m holding back from booking any more gigs for the moment. Firstly, because I am trying to write some new songs and secondly, because I don’t want to spam you all to attend another gig. I try not to spam. It doesn’t work.
However, a lot of people in the world seem to think that it does. The King of Kuntycando appears to need help at the moment and you should probably email him back to say you can’t afford 4357 “English Euros”. Have you not done that? Shame on you! Shame on you! – His friend needs help!
I answered my landline phone once because it was going ‘ring ring… ring ring…’ , “Hello?” “HELLO”, a voice said in an accent I could not place. “Hello”, “HELLO, IS THAT MR JACKADALE?”… “erm… no – I think you have the wrong number.”, “AH, NO – I THINK I HAVE THE RIGHT NUMBER, BUT … PERHAPS THE WRONG NAME”.
I promptly introduced the man to the words ‘FUCK’ and ‘OFF’ and hung the fuck up. I don’t have a landline telephone anymore. That was the tip of the iceberg.
It normally takes me about 2 hours to write this blog. I am a bit thick but…
Facebook campaigns rule the roost – ‘let’s get my band the most votes to qualify for a shitty slot at a gig full of people who haven’t come to see me’. ‘VOTE FOR ME!’ because ‘YOU ARE MY FRIEND’. Well firstly, no… I won’t because I am doing you a favour by not voting for you. Maybe if you are in a band you should concentrate on being good at it and promoting yourself by giving good quality output to the few people who enjoy your music and build on that. And secondly, I’m not your friend. I can count my friends on my fingers and last time I checked you weren’t there you massive, easily fooled cunt.
I tell you what, instead of doing that, contact me. I’ll put you on in front of 40 appreciative people who have come to see some nice music and not 3000 dickheads who think music is a form of entertainment because they watch ‘The X Factor’ with a bottle of Lambrini whilst they are getting ready to go out and get themselves plastered and then fucked – so fucked that if they don’t find a nice fuck buddy then anal rape is their final option.
I get a lot of spam on the Twitters too. I did go through a phase of replying to it – it caused a little bit of light amusement to my beautiful followers. My general rules on The Twitters is to be mildly amusing to help those nine-to-fivers through their day, provide an insight into my dull life… and a tiny bit of promotion for my music. Which I think is a good idea - to have rules, like the BBC. I tend not to @ someone in to a tweet if I’m about to be nasty about them (unless it’s Piers Morgan), I try not to be boring and I try not to retweet everything I think is awesome. I promote my gigs, videos and music with thought, inbetween me being my normal dickish self. Some musicians have asked how I have managed to build up a nice little Twitter following for Meiosis so quickly and I guess that is the answer… don’t be a dick and be nice – If you can’t say anything nice – then don’t say anything at all (especially if you have a blog for doing just that).
Occasionally, I break the rules when I’m a bit drunk. I say occasionally, I get drunk a lot! Almost too much (there must be a whole new blog in that subject though – so I’m not going into that now. No I am not. Fuck off. No I’m not. Just fuck off.)
I’m a friend of the Sultan of Papua New Guinea who died yesterday. I need 20 million Quackquacks that at your exchange rate will only be 24 of your British pounds. If you give me all of your account details then I will be able to provide for everybody’s family and a goat. Send it to me.
I keep getting tweets on the Twitters (can I call it Twitter here for Google search purposes? If you don’t know what I mean you will have to dig deep in my old blogs you fucking idiot.)
…I keep getting tweets on the Twitters saying “YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT THIS PERSON IS SAYING ABOUT YOU! IT’S QUITE NASTY”.
I’m always annoyed by the fact that this is spam. Not that it is spam – more that someone isn’t getting annoyed at me. Nobody seems to get annoyed at the controversial things I say in this blog and the tweets I twat. Perhaps, because my followers and the people who read this blog have more than an ounce of intelligence. Having said that I am still trying to get Piers Morgan to sue me for libel. He’d win – but it’d give me the exposure and platform that I deserve. I’d say I’ve spent nearly £20,000 on trying to promote good music in Newcastle upon Tyne over the past 6 years. That’s how much money I’ve lost (and I haven’t done too badly). The money I have pumped into the local economy must be huge. I don’t want to blow on my own trumpet but – the shows and bands I put on are pretty fucking good. I never do it for the money – I do it for the love of doing it. In all my time of doing this I have had 3 email complaints. I might share these with you one day as they are pretty funny!
This is how bad I feel for sometimes promoting my gigs on the Friendface (Facebook), The Twitters (Twitter) and Myspace (it doesn’t matter anymore does it? Let it die, let it die.)
Because I hate spam. At the same time – I love spam…
…Because without spam I wouldn’t be able to sing “SPAM SPAM SPAM” every time I get it.
Here is some SPAM:
If you’d like to know more about Martin Thompson and his musical ambitions (BECAUSE HE IS A MUSICIAN NOT A FUCKING ‘BLOGGER’) then do investigate the rest of his website at http://www.musicbymeiosis.com whereby I this you shall be surely satisfied. Hurrah!