WHAT IS THE LIGHT?
One of the integral things about writing a blog every week, I feel, is getting upset and angry about little things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things and then writing about them. That’s what “bloggers” do isn’t it?
Taking a small thing that ordinarily a normal mundane person would accept as a part of life and making it seem bigger and more important than it actually is. It’s about thinking of a small thing that really niggles at you, that’s slowly eating away at your soul and the very centre of your being; a thing that if one day you don’t sit down and write about, it will eventually destroy the very heart that beats within you and the point of your existence on Earth.
Now, there are 3 things wrong with the above statement. The first one is, I was taught at school that when you say something is of more volume than just plain boring “big” then the word you use is “larger”. The rule works the same if you want to describe something “littler” in volume or appeal, then the word you use is “smaller”. The second is that in order to pick apart my above statement I have to then create this paragraph in which I refer to something I was taught by an English teacher in a comprehensive school who I don’t necessarily agree with. The third is that you cannot mix figures with words when you are describing numbers such as “1”. The fourth is that I find speech marks around “words” aggressively patronising and I actively set out to annoy people in this “way” to wind them up because they really fucking wind me up. The 5th is that there are more than three things wrong with the above statement and most of us would be able to accept most of them anyway but because I have now felt the need to pull it apart, I could do so all day and if needed, I could write a whole blog about it. The sixth and very final thing that is wrong with the above statement is that the term “blogger” is annoying and that the very idea of someone putting their opinion onto the internet as constituting a source of news and inspiration is flawed. Why? Because it is. That is my opinion and because you have read it in a “paragraph” surrounded by some other words that you have had to use your eyes and your mind to unscramble then it will become your opinion too. Remember this: your opinion doesn’t fucking matter. And the seventh really annoying thing about the above statement is that it is quite short but still requires an explanation of almost 3 times its length, somewhat bigger than I intended.
Like many, I have a shade on my big light in my living room. Today I was staring at the shade thinking about what subject I should write my blog about this week. You see I think I have covered most things that really niggle at me and I have forced my opinion on most subjects upon you already. Then I thought ‘hmmmm, that’s a bit brown’. In fact there are three brown marks on the light shade’s plastic cover in the shape of the 3 light bulbs which glow warmly with electricity 3 millimetres behind it. ‘Hmmmm’, I thought, ‘I wonder what has done that’?
Then I thought ‘oh it must be some kind of fault. Light shades don’t just go a bit brown, it’s probably the heat and the glow of the light bulbs almost directly behind that substandard plastic cover’. I wondered if the light shade had been tested to E.U. standards and wondered if this brown “heat bruising”, which I’m now calling it, would affect my statutory rights. I then remembered a time when we didn’t have a light shade and there was only a bare bulb in the place where the light shade now hangs. The light was bare and brash. We needed a “light shade”. 6 years ago I went to a shop and purchased a light shade for my bare, naked and harsh light shading requirements. Due to a pricing error it cost me two pounds. Now, an older and wiser I looks up at the light shade and notes the slight brown discolouring of the cheap and unsuitable plastic and wonders ‘I wonder if I can get a blog out of that’?
Everyone should have a blog. If for one reason alone that there will no longer be a need for the term “blogger” and it may help towards the cause of stopping people feeling the necessity to do “this”.
Then I thought ‘can I really write a blog about people who ‘”blog’”? It’s a bit hypocritical.’ I thought to myself, in my own opinion and life, ‘no, I don’t have the time, and I can’t be bothered to put in the effort required to write about something that is so boring and mundane, only to document my own opinion about something that doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things’. Then I thought, ‘but wouldn’t it be good if I did and drew it out over a very long piece of prose that will only really serve to make one very valid point in two very short sharp sentences at the end’?
‘Yes’, I thought.
My bins still haven’t been emptied. It’s David Cameron’s fault.
Buy some stuff and listen to some beautiful music at http://www.musicbymeiosis.com