I use a pair of wireless headphones. I can’t say I own them as they only serve to give me grief. I used to have a wonderful pair of Sennheiser headphones but I became subject of some hardship once and then they broke.
Now, whenever I try to mix music or I’m trying to work out how my new song sounds all I hear in the background is a local radio station. I’d love to know which radio station it is that my wireless headphones have decided to tune in to as in the past I have tried very hard to just ignore it.
Tonight, whilst I was trying to mix some music to (my) perfection, I had Alan Robson coming in my ears. I then had a man debating whether or not he should be single – not Alan Robson, he’d finished. The man - they were having a live radio debate on the actual radio into my unwelcoming ears – was talking about how many condoms he put on until he started coming into my ears.
I now know how many children this man has sired via his ‘lady friend’ that he managed to cohabit with for a short time and I really didn’t want to hear it! My headphones just appear to be tuned into his frequency.
Well, MAN! I have been listening so hard that it hurts!
It’s got me thinking about my old school friends.
In the advent of Facebook, I have the opportunity to put my old school friends into certain categories:
1. Fuck you
2. fuck you
3. FUCK YOU
Let’s look at the facts before I promote my album:
1. Fuck you , you stupid cunt, you have nothing going for you other than the fact you were once popular in school. Us grown ups don’t count that as an achievement. We just masturbate over the image of what you used to be for the rest of our lives. (Yes I know, I win.)
2. If you have become in any way artistic, I apologise – I’m very sorry and jealous.
3. You bullied me and I’ll never forget the day you spat in my face, a massive gob load of snot and slaver – right in my face – from 2 floors up – so I couldn’t smack you in the mouth like I wanted to – but then I couldn’t do that anyway as you were a girl. My total ambition in life now, is to totally spark you out. Stupid fucking girl.
Maybe that’s why sexism exists in our generation… maybe that’s why I have grown up a bitter bitter man. Because if you were a male person at school (where you go to learn stuff) you had to really learn to fend for yourself – if you had a side parting that reached below you eyes – God!!! The day my hair hit my nose was special!
At school, I was good at defeating bullies as I was really tall- that also made me a target though. I got bullied quite a bit, the boys could not hack it. They were too thick. I defeated a boy bully once by convincing all of his friends that I “WAS HIS DAD!” That took me ages… then I was able to defeat another by picking him up and throwing him into a pond. That was fun. Why didn’t YouTube exist in those days?
That’s why I failed my Maths and Science in GCSE – because I was too busy plotting some comeuppance for 4 years of gentle ribbing. I think my dad would be proud if he knew that.
What? Are you saying I deserved to be picked on at school because I liked to measure the length of my hair in relation to the end of my nose? Ah, but I was not subject to such ridicule, as I shaved it off the month after to look like Thom Yorke. Who would want to look like a man who looks like an unborn baby and still expect to be not spat at in the face by the girls at school?
I occasionally get invited to these School Reunions. I don’t attend, as I can’t think of anyone I was at school with whom I liked and don’t still have as my friend now.
FACEBOOK SAYS: Do you know Splastic Flowerweller?
I’m not all ears if you are reading this and wish to apologise, I just hope and pray my life, however shite that may turn out, will turn out better than yours.
Yes, I do know her, Facebook, but I’d rather forget her because she is the now a council swelling, screwing, scrounging cunt who spat in my face. And I am an artist. Well I earn enough disposable income to be able to pay her to get on her hands and knees and let me repeatedly gob & spit in her face, to my satisfaction, until she begins to like it and cums everywhere … Women …*tut.
Then – all the guys who bullied me can gather around like crows and see that I OWNED you publically – then I can sleep at night.
Tell me again when I’m listening?