THE SOBER I REPULSED BY THE DRUNK ME
I was having a wonderful time the other day sharpening pencils. I haven’t had the need to do that for a long while. And also on this day I had no need other than an uncontrollable need and will to sharpen a couple of pencils with a big pencil sharpener with a handle. It was splendid. For about 30 seconds I was transported from how complicated life has become since the last time I used a big pencil sharpener. The only complaint I have about the whole pencil sharpening experience is that the pencil sharpener perhaps didn’t function as well as it could have. However, as an optimist I was able to turn this potential low point around as it did require a little extra skill and effort from the operator to achieve the 2 delicious sharp pencils that I achieved. Yes I did sharpen both ends. I couldn’t help myself.
Apart from sharpening pencils I have been writing and recording music for a new album and an EP. I’m hoping to get the EP out by May on iTunes at least of not a CD and the album will be due out in the autumn. I have also made a new video for The Sober I, Repulsed by the Drunk Me that I showed to my mother today. She didn’t like it. I showed her the video for Maniac FM too – we’re still waiting for the reaction to that as by her facial expression all I got was confusion and annoyance. Which to be fair, when I am playing live is the reaction of most faces in front of me.
As I fast approach the grand age of 30 I am, perhaps wrongly but very consciously wrongly, noticing the clichéd ‘I’m getting a bit old’ scenarios developing. I can’t seem to drink very much without taking 4 days out to recover, I’m getting a bit fatter, my hair started falling out a long time ago but now I’m going grey to compliment that, I’m forgetful and deaf (sorry – that’s more forgetful and deaf than I was) and I’ve started to not hate the company of children. I’m kind of ambivalent towards them now. I’ve also become of the opinion that Earth, Wind & Fire were a fucking great band and vastly underrated. I listen more to the delicate tones of Leonard Cohen now than the distorted, punk-driven melodies of British indie pop. I’ve started listening to Radio 4 – albeit in podcast form - and caught myself chuckling at a repeat of Last of the Summer Wine yesterday. It’s not even fucking funny (on any level).
One of the nicer aspects I’m enjoying through my maturity is how mature I am becoming. You may think that makes no sense but it does! I think the only reason most people get wiser as they get older is that when they are young they take notice and care about absolutely everything and then slowly over time they forget about shit they don’t care about and begin to form a solid moral stance. Nothing really bothers me these days, which can make it difficult to write songs but a lot easier to get through your day-to-day life. I vent my spleen on this little blog about the odd thing that annoys me and once I have done that I feel a lot better for it. It feels like I have used and abused the subject so it can no longer do me any harm. However, I am now starting to get frustrated about the fact that Piers Morgan doesn’t seem to be interested in suing me. Can’t that man do anything right? I have photographic evidence of him fucking an elephant you know?
Even my depression that I have endured since my mid-teens has of late been fairly non-existent (I’m probably jinxing myself by putting that on record now) but when I think about it, I spent most of last year writing a 10-track album about it and I write this blog roughly once a week. I think it is channelled into doing that somehow. I’m all for taking something negative and turning it into something creative and worthwhile.
So as I mature I do find my very rational fear of my own death becomes greater. I think about not smoking so many cigarettes, drinking as much beer or eating as many pies so I don’t cop it early but at the same time consider an idiot knocking me over in a car, or punching me to death or shooting my stupid face to death. If any of the latter were the case I’d have to kick myself into mortality for not smoking, drinking and eating enough. Or not even bothering to have any sex ever in my life, ever.
So whatever you think of my music, my opinions, my attitudes and my respect for Jedward – at least you know it comes from a worthwhile motive. Whether you’re a soldier fighting evil regimes, a doctor saving lives or a volunteer doing work for a worthwhile charity, remember I’m just as good as you for writing this blog and creating music for the literally tens of people who appear to enjoy it. Basically, because I am a bit thick, illiterate and not very interesting, it usually takes me about 90 minutes to write this short blog and I’m sure (not because I have any knowledge but because I have thought about it for roughly 10 seconds) that it takes roughly 10 minutes to dig a landmine up with a trowel.
It only takes 20 seconds to administer a lifesaving drug and it only takes a millisecond to shoot some cunt between the eyes.
If you are not a complete fucking halfwit, dipshit, idiot then you may skip the following paragraph. However if you do not understand the concept of satirical irony perhaps you should read on…
What happened above is that I deliberately took the opposite stance of what I believe in to make a point. What you have to do is read that again but imagine me with a smug face going “ahh ha ha ha” whilst I’m typing it. Yes it is confusing. Yes you do have to read between the lines and yes you do have to stop reading my blog and following me on Twitter because although you don’t like me that is nothing compared to how little I like you… so would you quietly and politely fuck off.
I am also becoming more and more left-wing. I think our present government have helped me along the way. I’m almost at a John Lennon type stance on any war happening and I’m becoming a fan of political correctness. I don’t understand why or how a human being could hurt another human being and why society has become so blasé towards death and destruction of lives, cultures and societies. I think for every deserving hero we hold in high regard there are many many more who are unsung. I’m not saying that this is wrong but we could do with putting aside our prejudices and accept our fellows’ shortfalls more often. Instead of being critical of others do something, radical or not so radical, to make things better first hand. “If we allow ourselves and each other independence until we need to help” - would be the most profound thing I have ever said in this blog… if it made any sense.
This blog is dedicated to the memory Of David Rathband.
The Sober I, Repulsed by the Drunk Me. By Meiosis.