Just when you think you have it sorted. Your depression and animal urges are under control and you no longer feel the need to avoid social contact or blanking out any form of human life into your own because any show of affection, engagement or sense of belonging to the world and community we live in will just complicate your life… Just when you think you have that sorted, that nothing will matter more than what you have been through, just after you have decided that you are ‘ready to face the world’ as it exists and just after you have become strong enough to dip your foot into believing that the outside world is ok:
Somebody in a car will pull up outside of your home and parp their horn in order to signal the fact that they have arrived, and their previously arranged agreement of giving one of your neighbours a lift to their designated destination is being upheld. How about you get out of your car and ring the doorbell or knock on the door like a well-mannered, considerate bastard like I would do?
When I am lying on my back, suffering from my own indulgence and on a trail of thought taking me through why I am depressed and why my life is pointless, when I am trying to come to a positive conclusion of why I am here and how I exist, looking closely at my ceiling and on the brink of finally becoming ‘happy’ again… PARP PARP PARP PAAAAAARP. PARRRRRRP PAAAAAARP... PARP... PA…RP. PAAAAAARP…
It’s distracting. This happens on a regular basis and is the height of bad manners. Get off your big fat anus and out of the car, then go and ring the doorbell of the idiot you have been cajoled into ferrying around like a nutcase. They might even respect you for it.
I have finished writing my final album of this mad trilogy I set myself the task of doing. It still sounds really lo-fi and I’m still pretending that I meant it that way. However, this is the final piece in the puzzle that creates the vision I had of making 3 really decent albums of my music.
I’m not selling it to you am I?
On ‘Where Reality Ends and I Begin’ I made a concept album around manic depression – that I felt should be celebrated rather than being a stigma. In ‘Songs for 20 Something Year Olds’ I dealt with age, getting older and moving on. What’s left to say? My new album (released this autumn boys & girls) will be called ‘Historical Depictions of the Future’. Its concept is ‘love and sexuality’ – so you can expect some raunchy funk and some sickening ballads?
It’s not that. The new album documents me trying to come to terms with the fact that I am gay, trying to tell my friends and family & trying to convince myself that I am not ‘the bad guy’ in any relationship I ever had. Having said that, it’s not a very ‘gay’ album. Much of it consists of thoughtful but angry songs that portray the life I had when I was in my late teens or early 20s. I reckon these songs will strike a chord with anyone, gay or straight, who is striving to find love at that age.
It does have a bit of funk and raunchy ballads on it!
Apologies to anybody who is not interested, but I always post the track listing to my forthcoming album at around about this time in spring (part of my routine – I guess). Song titles used to excite me as when I knew one of my favourite bands were working on an album…
On A Mission
Red Man/Green Man
Bomb Me Out
The Big Attraction
Vodka & Pills (Drinking & Singing)
I can’t really write songs as good as the great music we feature on our podcast. So apologies in advance for that. I think I am useless, ugly, and pretty shit at making music. Thank you for your support.
I saw some people from Consett being interviewed on BBC News yesterday. The one and only chance for somebody to say out loud on Television how the town was broken by the Tories and he shouts like a twat! C’mon it’s a hard slog... and we love you but… let’s not portray the town on the national new s as a fucking hardship and an argument!
I was born in Consett. My father worked at the Steel Works and my mother is a nurse. However much I try to ignore it – my life has been dictated to me by the government. These are 2 thing that were bandied around, and played ‘ping – pong’ with by the government of the 1980s. My dad was made redundant (then I was born) and my mother struggled on. I had a great upbringing – but it is only now I realise how lucky I was to have such a great man & dad, who gave up their future just to bring up 2 little boys.
When I made this video a few weeks ago, I wanted to show a little bit how ‘if you live around here, everything has been taken away from you by the government’. I’m not sure if it worked. We filmed it on a disused railway line that used to run up to Consett, where I was born. I thought it important to make the video ‘forgiving’ and perhaps nostalgic. We filmed a little bit on top of the viaduct I nearly jumped off almost 15 years ago. I kept shouting at the cameraman “get the architecture, get the architecture!”
I intended the video to be about silly decisions people made in the past that impinge upon me now as a proprietor of a wish or a ‘why did you do that?’ opinion.
I think that, me dancing around and trying to show some stuff that the government killed – might be in tune with a few people. Then Margaret THE Thatcher died – I don’t do the popular consensus! I just do not dooo that!
Here is my video about Consett in 1982.
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