HAGUE’S A TORY… (HUNKY DORY)
Well well well. How are you? You’re looking good. I see you have come to subject yourself to another one of my blogs. You must have done something pretty awful to subject yourself to this kind of torture again. All I can say is I respect your self discipline.
I must apologise that there was no blog last week. This is partly because I had nothing to write about and partly because I have been busy writing and recording songs for a second (or fifth depending on how you look at it) album. My plan was to record some more today but I have a poorly wrist from playing guitar for seven hours the other day. I need one of those support doo dah things like Mr Greenwood from Radiohead. If I did though people would just say I’m trying to copy offa him like they say I’m trying to copy offa Jarvis Cocker by just talking to peeps between songs when I play live. So for them and them only I will just carry on in tremendous pain!
So, as I can’t play guitar, I thought I’d write a blog instead but I’m guessing I won’t be writing much here either as typing kind of hurts too. I’m using my knee as support for my wrist at the moment. It’s a pretty uncomfortable position to be sitting in.
Anyway, maybe you can’t bear much more of my whingeing and I can’t bear the pain of typing - so I will crack on. I have some Meioisis stuff to tell you about, then maybe a short rant about the Tory government and, if I can, a short bit at the end about getting fat, bald and old and that’ll be about your lot. The usual YouTube video at the end and a couple of lines of promotion. Slap, bang, wallop… here goes [clenches wooden spoon in mouth]…
I mentioned I was working on my second (or fifth depending on how you look at it) album. I’ve written three or four new songs and I’m looking through my songbooks for stuff I never used that I feel deserves to be aired, like dirty laundry in public. Sometimes I find it easier to write the new stuff and record it than I do to pick out an old song I wrote on an acoustic guitar ten years ago and then try to build it up to a multi-track recording. It’s so easy to ruin them forever. Obviously I did a lot of this when I decided to reform myself back into ‘Meiosis’ the one man band (with a giraffe to help) about 18 months ago. For the record: the Meiosis reform came before the Pulp one – it was my idea first and anyone who says otherwise is lying and thinks I only follow in the footsteps of Jarvis Cocker. I don’t. That time I was the pioneer of it all.
So in a nutshell I’m trying to write some new songs and also trying not to ruin some old ones. Dead interesting I know. I only tell you this as this is my life at the moment. The pain I feel in my wrist due to the seven hours of recording I did the other day was done recording only one song very badly! This time last year I was working on my first (or fourth depending on how you look at it) album and the work I have done this week has kind of reminded me how much hard work and how many hours I put into making that. I haven’t even promoted or tried to build up any kind of support for my first (or fourth depending on how you look at it) album and I am already working on my second (or fifth depending on how you look at it). Anyway – the working title for this new album is Songs For 20 Something Year Olds and I have some song titles for you (if you’re interested), as much of it is already written: Riding on as Wave of Coolness & Calm, Roald Dahl, The Shame, Goosebumps, Dribs & Drabs, Chewing Gum Wrapped Around My Heart and End it All are all kind of half done. I’m hoping I can get it released in autumn this year but if I can I may release an EP of some other stuff before then.
I have also taken a small step back from playing live. Earlier today I watched a YouTube video of myself playing at The Cluny last month. I looked so happy just to be there I think. I think that was one gig I can always say that I thoroughly enjoyed doing – so I’m not sure where to go from there. I have a couple of things in mind that I’d like to do in May but having just noted to myself after the last couple of gigs that I have only just gotten the hang of doing this reasonably well on my own I don’t want to do any of the ‘throw away’ and ‘it doesn’t really matter’ kind of gigs I had been organising for myself last year. I want to try to be good at this. Sometimes it is difficult to explain to someone that a man playing to backing tracks on an iPod with a stuffed foul-mouthed giraffe, two guitars and sometimes a plastic instrument, can be entertaining… but it is! And I firmly believe that – If I didn’t believe it myself I wouldn’t do it… but then I do like a challenge!
David Cameron has announced plans to charge us all more money for nice alcoholic drinks and also to water it down. This is a response to the population getting too drunk for too little money. Well, Mr Cameroon. I don’t like you. I think you know that as an avid reader of this blog. Have you thought that perhaps the population drink a lot because you and your idiot government are in power? It certainly drove me to drink when you won that election fair and square [sic] all those two years ago. But I thought to myself ‘it’s ok, it’s only four years and we need this in order to let the Labour Party sort themselves out and become right, correct and socialist again. This has to happen, otherwise The Labour Party will forever think they can bask in the glory of Tony Blair’s frankly genius win in the 1997 election, and how they changed domestic policy radically for the greater good forever and then frankly fucked it all up by agreeing with George W. Bush. George W. Bush – a man who agrees with his father (who is George Bush if you were struggling there, who is a complete idiot). For three years we had the most liberal and democratic world you could ever hope for. Between 1997 and 2000 with Bill The Clinton President of the USA and Tony Blair Presi… SORRY! Prime Minister of the UK. This to me was a match made in heaven.
Now I feel we are almost back in the dark dark ages of the late 1980s and early 1990s when George Bush (the daddy of all shittiness) and Tories, Margaret Thatcher and John Major ruled the roost. When I say “ruled the roost” perhaps I mean Thatcher more than Major. David Cameroon is basically Margaret Thatcher in a slightly posh man’s costume. He has ruined everything we had in this country. Nick Clegg has ruined trust in voting at General Elections. Between them they have ruined every single tiny ounce of faith the people of this country were slowly building back up for democracy. What has happened to The Liberal Democrats at the moment? Have they asked to be kept out of the picture completely? The Conservatives are good at being right-wing and very unpopular. That’s what seems to win them elections. “We’re TOUGH and READY to make HARD decisions, it doesn’t matter how unpopular those decisions are – we will carry on regardless.”
To quote from the bitch herself, “NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!” Maybe you are unpopular because you did not achieve as many votes as Labour at the last General Election but because Gordon Brown refused to suck Nick Clegg’s cock but you did then you think that gives you the go-ahead to fuck up the beautiful little life I was having before you came into power.
I remember when small businesses used to be able to exist. I remember when people used to go out on a Friday and Saturday night. I remember when VAT was 17.5%. I remember when William Hague was leader of the Conservative Party and everyone laughed at him because he was a bit shit – and now he is our Foreign Fucking Secretary. I remember when the town I live in was still standing, not sold off to Tesco to redevelop (and all they have done so far is pull the whole town centre down with no stop-gap before redevelopment). I remember when my house was worth more than the stupid price I paid for it. I remember when there was absolutely no argument whatsoever about the NHS being assured an existence for the rest of my life. I remember when disabled people had respect. I remember when Christians, Jews, Catholics, Scientologists, Protestants, Muslims, Atheists and those who just couldn’t give a monkey’s doo dah - could live together in harmony and peace and never argue ever (ok – I’m just looking forward to that). I remember when I could walk home without the Police stopping me just to ask where I was going and what I was doing under anti-terrorist laws. I remember when I could say whatever the fuck I liked on a social network and not get arrested for it. I remember when public transport belonged to the public. I remember when Simon Cowell was just a famous rich cunt and not an infamous multimillionaire cunt. I remember when if Britain needed something built like a ship, a train, a car, a call centre… then they would fucking well building it themselves –regardless of any other option.
I’m not sure how many peeps would be with me on this either but I don’t care how much debt my country is in. I think we can handle it. We don’t have to sell every asset we’ve got and draw as much money from our loved one’s purses, or cut off a whole generation from encouragement and optimism. I personally have around £20,000 of debt I need to pay off but I think I can afford to pay it off in smaller instalments and still enjoy a prosperous and vibrant life. Not fuck over my late twenties to early thirties by becoming a sad, reclusive, money-obsessed cunt. I think this is what David Cameron doesn’t understand. Being a posh little fuck – he has had no opportunity to deal with debt correctly until he started running a country. Fuck off Cameroon you stupid get. The Working and Middle Classes have been able to manage this all by themselves until you stepped up and made them unable to spread a penny across a fucking piece of dust. If you need money – then ask your rich mates for some extra tax – Oh … maybe you already have: “rah rah rah… No Dave, I don’t think you should do that, rah rah rah. I might, maybe, but probably, not really, but possibly, no chance of, but may end up selling my yacht.” – Dave says “Ok I will grab it from the people that won’t affect you and that cunts like you don’t generally notice”.
It is partly my fault. I have voted Liberal Democrat at every election since I was old enough to vote. I would like to now take this opportunity to say I’m sorry. Some people say that by teaming up with the Tories then The Lib Dems would almost certainly become unelectable by their loyal following. At first I thought otherwise, as Nick Clegg said after the last budget speech ‘yes it’s bad but it was going to be a lot worse if we didn’t stick our oar in’. Yeah, but where have you gone now? You have disappeared. I may have respected you and your party if you pulled out of the coalition a year ago. Now by just doing nothing and standing by you have led me to say…. “VOTE LABOUR AT THE NEXT ELECTION – THEY ARE USELESS CUNTS BUT AT LEAST THEY MEAN WELL”.
(I’m getting a bit fat, bald and old).
And so with my slightly sore wrist, I will now leave you alone.
It was Snugglenolia The Little Giraffe’s birthday yesterday. He is the other half of Meiosis. He may have to be retired soon as I think his head is going to come off. He is a great asset to me playing live as he provides ‘vibes’ like Bez in 1992. He’s foul-mouthed, honest and offensive… but despite all that he’s my best friend in the entire world. I love him.
So I have decided, in showing my dedication, love and respect for him – he can choose two videos to go at the bottom of this blog.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SNUGGLENOLIA x
More Of Martin ‘Meioisis’ Thompson’s stuff – tunes, songs, rants, audio interviews, pictures and people he likes can be found at this website: http://www.musicbymeiosis.com