THERE’S ALWAYS SOMEONE COOLER THAN YOU
I’m bald. Yes I am. It troubles me to admit it. I’ve been happy to go with ‘losing my hair’ for ten years but now I have to admit I am definitely bald. Not even good bald, not ‘sexy bald’. The bad bald, the bagel headed, brown haired, tuft at the front, puts twenty years on him bald. My hair started to recede when I was 17. I wasn’t bothered then as I thought by 2012 they will have some kind of miracle ointment that can cure all baldness. I would not feel so sad about losing my hair if I wasn’t so gay about it! I loved my hair – I could fashion it into many different styles and people would gather from far and wide to stroke it as it is very very soft. Almost like a kitten or a rabbit. I have all my hair shaved off every time I get a haircut now as it’s just tidier. I’d like to have long flowing locks and dye it silly colours but if I even attempt to grow my hair I soon realise that it’s just going to be a ‘Bill Bailey’ and although that style works for him… people just laugh at me. Like they don’t laugh at Bill Bailey? (that joke is too clever for you isn’t it?)
In addition to my baldness, I’m also going grey, which I’m surprisingly fine with. I’m 29 years old and I’m going grey. I suspect I will be almost completely grey (on the sides not on the top, I’m bald there) by the time I hit 32. Grey is cool. I wish the whole process would hurry itself up because being baldish and haggard makes me look like I’m in my 40s – but peeps think I’m a tit, as I act 29. That’s because I am 29. When I am bald and grey peeps will think I’m in my 50s and I’ve rediscovered ‘cool’.
Which probably describes everything a man wants to do in his 30s: ‘enjoys going out but also like to go home early’. A man torn between 2 lives. The one he wants and the one he’s got.
If I had the money to do it, I’d definitely get an ‘Elton John’ and get my hair sorted now. I suspect I will have the money to do it when I’m 45 but unless my beautiful other half dies – I can’t see the point in doing that by then!
I have been working on recording another Meiosis album. Like last year’s, I was expecting this to take up weeks and months of my life. It took me ages to do Where Reality Ends and I Begin and it was very hard work. However, recording for this one is going really well. I’ve recorded a lot of it late at night and very early in the morning, inbetween doing my day job. I’m quite proud of myself that I have managed to get on with it so quickly, the songs are awesome too.
The album is called Songs for 20 Something Year Olds, for a few reasons. The first being, I’m about to turn 30. The second being nobody believes I’m not 30 yet by looking at the fat, bald, brown me. The third being the great year I had last year with all of my friends fulfilling a kind of ‘bucket list’ of things to do before I’m 30. It meant loads and loads to me!
We’re hoping for a late August/Early September release for the album. The extra time may give me time to actually try to promote it, which I didn’t get the chance to do with my last album. If you remember I was promoting a “David Bowie” gig at the time and never got the time, chance or … hang on … I didn’t actually give a fuck! And I still don’t! If people latch onto my music because they like it and found it for themselves - that’s the best way to do it. Not because I force them to do so via good and spammy promo!
The new album sounds much more ‘feel good’ than the last. Last time I was trying to write a concept album about depression. I think I got it just right but this time there is no theme other than the theme of death, religion and friendship that reoccurs throughout. That’s why it’s called ‘Songs for 20 Something Year Olds’.
A quick update on my depression: As last week I said I’ve been fine for ages and had no depression - and that perhaps I should not say these things out loud otherwise its tempting fate, I have had a little bout of depression since. Although it was not pleasant I feel better now as I know where I stand. My life tends to be a constant battle with myself. It’s awful but also what I’m used to and I kind of need to feel like this sometimes in order to never ever ever become a complete twat.
I’d love to start ranting about David Cameroon and Clegg, Compo and Foggy right now, but I … I suspect everyone else is anyway.... what can I do?
Start a fucking revolution that’s what I want to do!
David Cameron has brown hair. I’m jealous and annoyed. Let’s lynch him.
Next week, I will also be making stuff up about Stephen Moyes, the Sun journalist who has made a load of shit up about a friend of mine. I have been investigating. I just hope he likes my write-up and knows I’m up for a libel case for anyone who is a complete cunt.
Grey, bald, - wanna have sex… ever? Perhaps this song is for you:
There’s some more stuff by and about Martin ‘Meiosis’ Thompson here: www.musicbymeiosis.com