21/07/11 - MusicByMeiosis

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Thursday 21st July 2011. Blog #11.

Geri Halliwell is pretty regular. She has to take a shit at 9am every morning. Otherwise she gets grumpy. Of course many of us don't have the luxury of being available at 9am every morning as we work for a living.

This week I'll say a little more about music. Last week's rant about Facebook was so popular I decided that you must all just love to read some words regarding a derogatory view about some element of popular culture.  So why pick on Geri Halliwell? Well I'm not really (but on the other hand I am).

In the late 1990s Geri Halliwell left The Spice Girls and embarked on a short-lived solo career. It is important to keep these girl and boy bands together as it essentially amalgamates their big puddle of music into one easily avoidable position so that if you so wish you may simply step over it, making them relatively ignorable. If these groups split up then we have an uncontrollable slurry of music spurting out in all directions. It's 4 or 5 solo careers to contend with.

I'm now very content that Robbie Williams has re-joined Take That and collectively all the mums, dads, boys and girls can pay extortionate amounts to visit one of their live farms and fund someone in the music industry's massive cocaine habit. Very very importantly, I can avoid it.

Now, the problem I face here is that I can actually respect and admire the music of Take That and The Spice Girls. It's poppy, catchy, punchy and uplifting. It's perfect for kids and for old people to jiggle their flappy bits to at weddings. My problem is when somebody old enough to know otherwise is absolutely besotted with Jason Orange or Mel Bastard. These are the people who will follow The X Factor religiously and think they are watching Britain's Got Talent ironically when really (kind of ironically) they are not. Britain's Got Talent is a double bluff. It appears to be so shite that even the programme-makers highlight the fact that a lot of the acts are shite but in reality they are all actually shite therefore they say it's shite, we say it's shite, it is shite but it's so shite it's funny and therefore good… Well no. It's shite. Because it's not funny and it's not good. It's shite.

And this time I'm not just blindly ranting because you may come forward to me and say "but Martin, you have never ever watched an entire secretion of Britain's Got Talent. You wouldn't and couldn't and if you did you would only be watching so you could have a good whinge about it because that's what you enjoy". Well to you I say "No. In fact I watched an entire series of Britain's Got Talent in 2009. Including all of the extra spin-off shows such as 'Britain's Got Talent All Over Itself'  and 'Britain's Smelling A Bit Like Talent' in order to follow an act who I had previously booked for a gig in Newcastle called 'The Brett Domino Trio'. Even with the might of ITV's 'Britain's Wiping Its Talent All Over The Toilet Door', we only managed to pull a crowd of about 30 people to that gig thus proving that many share my opinion of 'Britain's Got The Runs' but not my opinion of 'The Brett Domino Trio' who made their appearance with so much irony that for a fortnightly period they were actually shitting irony and turned ITV's double bluff which I turned to a treble bluff back on itself and actually made it a (after using a long and complicated bluffing formula) a single bluff. So fuck off".

This brings me onto the subject of Simon Cowell. He is a massive thundering cunt.

I met Ant & Dec once. It was still in the days of Byker Grove and we had a short conversation about Germoline chewing gum. Apparently, according to Ant, Dec and 'Spuggy', it tastes not of Germoline but of the smell of Germoline. If you do not believe that this chewing gum existed then you should refer to this link: http://www.aquarterof.co.uk/mtype2/whatever/archives/bubblegum/

So I guess the real problem is that musically the general public (and we established several weeks ago now that they are, as a group, idiots) tend to just take what is fed to them. I was lucky being a teenager in the mid-late 1990s when the mainstream was pretty much dominated by indie bands, but even then it was more of a revolution of the bands. It was cool to be uncool. Music meant more and it wasn't as disposable as it is now. Now if I cast my mind back there were grumpy old bastards saying pretty much the same then as I am now. Then they harked back to the days of the 1960s and 70s. Fine. Music was good then too - I have accepted that as when those grumpy old bastards told me this I listened and investigated. Surely, there must be some 15 year-old fan of Jizz-eey who may read these words and think about investigating those who inspired and influenced his music? I spent a considerable chunk out of my day to find out who inspired my favourite bands and investing more time finding that music - a lot of whom became my favourites too. The only reason I really discovered the music of David Bowie is because in 2000 when I had my first incarnation of Meiosis, people kept telling me how much it sounded like the great man. I decided it was getting a bit silly so I got hold of a best-of album and was almost instantly hooked. It made sense too. Loads of my favourite bands were in some way influenced by Bowie so, as I drew inspiration from those mid 90s bands I in turn ended up sounding a bit like Bowie too. It's important to follow these trails as inevitably it will lead to someone or something great.

I'll leave you with a few videos from The Brett Domino Trio from around their appearance on 'Britain's Got Chronic Talent' and a bit of their live show.

Find some MusicByMeiosis to inspire your new 'Geri Halliwell style band' at http://www.musicbymeiosis.com

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