Something is getting at me. I’m not sure what it is, but I appear to be in a constant state of distress.
I appear to have developed a touch of tinnitus in my left ear again. I blogged about this some time ago but over the past 3 weeks I have constantly had the sound of Joe Pasquale in the early stages of his head being cut off in my ear. I thought I’d try to put it in writing how it actually feels.
Some noises & tones are causing me to feel great discomfort. These noises are; people talking at a certain distance, railway station announcements, playing music on a car stereo, singing in the shower, The Chuckle Brothers & the lead guitar in Suede songs.
I have been wondering to myself what has caused this awful problem and here are my possibilities:
20 years of playing and listening to very loud music.
I have been playing guitar, piano & listening to any music I deemed paramount to my life functioning since I was about 9 years of age at the highest volume I was allowed to get away with. For the last 15 years, if I have not been performing live music I have been DJing or putting on gigs. Obviously, this cannot be the root cause as nothing so wonderful can do me such harm. I have however purchased a set of ear plugs just in case I damage my ears any further in my pursuit of the loudest ever ever thing ever. I have also turned my headphones down. It’s nice. I can hear stuff in the songs other than bass line & drums.
Young people spitting into my ear when they talk to me enthusiastically.
Is this the truth I will never know? Or is it a man slurring uncontrollably in my face, spitting every time he says ‘feasibly controllable piss’?
If you are drunk and in an environment where it’s difficult to speak, do not lean into somebody’s ear and shout at them. They cannot hear you. What they get instead of your well-conceived compliments, acknowledgements of human existence or just inane comments on somebody who is attractive walking by…is an earful of spit. This is not good for either party. Lean in and talk at a normal volume, if they don’t hear that means they are too drunk to understand anyway.
Trains, Planes & Automobile.
In my youth I liked loud things and would happily stand beside anything that made an impressive loud noise. This included aeroplanes, the HST 125 trains (with old Valenta engines) & really ragged old buses and lorries. Anything that made a racket, I’d be intrigued by. Unfortunately, now I work on the railways, these sounds only serve to annoy me. I remember seeing Concord in the flesh a few times when it was in the air. The most impressive thing, I thought, about it was its noise. It made a hell of a big noise.
My mother has recently read my blog. I have had to apologise for all of the swearing that she found “disgusting and disappointing”. Can I now offer my sincere apologies to my mother for having subjected her to such filthy and abusive text. I didn’t mean to grow up so foulmouthed but the cool kidz liked it, so I carried on. Sorry Mam!
But the constant whinging on my mobile phone in one ear from my mother has been fucking unbearable.
Air Raid Sirens.
I’m not joking. Every Tuesday, above our class at primary school they’d test the air raid siren. This sound was intended to reverberate around the entire village – a population of around 4000 people. Every Tuesday at around 11am, when we were doing ‘Silent Reading’, a noise bigger than life itself would crank up, making us all very slowly get an inhuman horrible fright,
is the best way I can describe it in text and it was REALLY extraordinarily loud! They wouldn’t allow it in ‘Silent Reading’ these days… what if it completely fucks up the children’s morals? Silent is supposed to be silent. Yes? So do not activate an air raid siren outside our classroom door please when we are TRYING TO LEARN FUCKING MORALS!
Any of those things may have caused my tinnitus. If you are reading this thinking I’m a grumpy old man, who has nothing better to do than retire to his potting shed and whinge liberally about Piers Morgan, David Cameroon, The Devil and Simon Cowell, then you’d be wrong. I am 30 years of age. My body is falling apart, my ears hurt, my eyes can no longer pick out individual pubic hairs when looking at porn, my hair is a lost cause, hangovers last 3 weeks, I fear death every time I have to sit on a toilet OR go to Manors Metro Station, I can no longer look myself in the eye in the mirror and seriously think ‘I can do this shit’.
So you change, it’s fine to change. Time to embrace my dusty, old idea-ridden head thoughts and believe that something I can do will be embraced by a bunch of beer-ridden, speech-spitting, loud annoying idiots, who do not know any better.
My albums are available for free at meiosis.bandcamp.com until the end of January (at which point I will die and they’ll be bought up by EMI to flog in their ‘Death Range’ for £18.99).
I guess what I’m saying is, come see my gigs before I give out!
Here they are:
Friday 25th January: The Bridge Hotel, Newcastle (Mad Hatter Festival)
Sunday 3rd March: The Black Box, Belfast (UK Tour)
Saturday 4th May: The Telegraph, Newcastle (homecoming gig)
We can be bewildered in some ways, and at some points in our lives be confronted with reasons not to carry on. When somebody near us dies and it’s a bit too close for comfort we feel like giving up – that is the absolute resolve to carry on.
Do carry on. Do not give up. Always be yourself. NEVER be yourself.
More stuff by Martin Thompson can be found at:
This blog is dedicated to the memory of Steve Armstrong.