Rather than ranting on one subject this week I thought I’d give you a little mixed bag of nuts with a few things that I need to report. Don’t get annoyed. It’s free you motherfuckers!
I have become aware that one or two of you (plus three Japanese people, one American and a bloke from New Zealand) have been reading this blog weekly and follow me as if I were not a musician – but an “iBlogger”. Well, Japanese people and you there in New Zealand (which is not a made-up country to make Australia look unpalatable), I have a fucking album ready to release here in the UK. You will have to use the World Wide Web to buy a copy as it’s going to be in real shops that exist and everything over here. You should come over and live here… get married and have children in my beautiful country and maybe send copies of ‘Where Reality Ends and I Begin’ back home to spread the word? Just an idea. Go on then! Why not?!
It occurred to me the other day that my mother might stumble across this little blog of mine and she would be appalled. She’d ask ‘why do you have to say “fuck” so much? And why do you have to even think about “cunts”?’ Well… I’d have to say it’s not really aimed at you. My hatred of Piers Morgan runs deeper than yours and so I find myself using the word ‘cunt’ more often than you. Anyway, it’d be nice to just pretend you hadn’t seen it. Like when I am offended when you tell me all about ‘Big Brother’ or ‘The X Factor’. You will not like this!
The other day I had a little tidy up in my hutch where I do all of my recording, rehearsing, writing and general ‘Martin things’. I decided I needed to get rid of my old Yamaha organ which takes up far too much of my valuable grazing space. I got it off Ebay a few years ago for nothing and the bloke who gave it away to me brought it over in his car and helped me carry it up 2 flights of stairs. It’s really fucking heavy! I remember the bloke saying he was just happy to find a good home for it as the musical one in the family had moved away. I thought about sticking it back on Ebay as a free item but I don’t think I can get it back down the stairs again – so with a heavy heart I’m going to have to break it up. If anyone is ready and willing to collect it and risk death to carry the bugger down two flights of stairs they can have it. Use the contact tab on this website and I’ll happily have it re-homed. Otherwise it’s hammer time. I’ll also be searching for old train timetables inside of it. If I find any I will howl like a wolf and throw them at my mother’s face saying “look what I found… mwuh hah ahha hha ha haha ha ha hahha ahah!”
I’d like to congratulate @shazzahew on the Twitters for completing The Great North Run in 3 hrs 9 mins. It’s not her time I am thanking her for. I have already let her know that the Metro runs from Newcastle to South Shields in around 25 minutes and in future she should probably do that. But she raised a fair amount of cash for M.A.G. in the process and that is very commendable. I’m considering doing something similar myself next year. I’ll do it for the blind. I fancy a venetian.
I will be doing the annual charity gig this Christmas. Every year I do a charity gig. And we do something a bit special. This year I wanted to do something on a grand scale – doing an all-dayer at World Headquarters in Newcastle. I only actually realised the logistics of this after having read the reply to my email where I mooted the idea to the venue manager. It’s much more comfortable to do these events at small venues (as you actually make more money). This year, given the album content, we’ll be giving all the money we make (which will hopefully be in excess of fifty pounds – wow!) to The Samaritans. I have been a long-time supporter of their work and it has come to my attention that I haven’t really done anything for them since 2006. So now I feel bad!
We are also going to do a couple of free (or maybe £1 entry) gigs around the time of the album release on 24th October. The original idea was to play the entire album from start to finish live at these. But I know for a fact that people aren’t happy until I have played CAPPAMAN and that most people who come to my gigs haven’t even heard CAPPAMAN ever before. When I reformed myself into Meiosis this time last year I did wonder if I would be able to finally drop the song from my set. The answer is definitely ‘no’. In truth, after having written the song I thought it might make a nice little B-side one day but people really latched onto it. I don’t think I will ever have the heart to drop it. It has been good to me and every time I think about losing it – it just looks back at me with its cute little puppy-dog eyes and asks “why?” Well because you are annoying and simple, when I’d rather use my time on stage to showcase something clever. It replies “but, Martin… when you pay money to go and see a band you don’t particularly love and they don’t play their greatest hits, you get annoyed.” I reply “likewise, when I pay money to see a band I do love and they DO just play their greatest hits, I get annoyed as I’d like them to play something else for a change.” Then CAPPAMAN replies “well, I suppose you have to find the balance somewhere, since I’m the only song any fucker actually enjoys at your gigs – can I stay in the set?” “Yes, I suppose.” “Can I be the last song you play?” “Yes, I suppose. I created you and now you have become a monster.” “Yes, yes. I know… Rahhhh!” “I hate you.” “No you don’t.” “Yes I do.” “No you don’t.” “OK, I don’t but I will always pretend to.” “OK, that does me.”
Unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to put the new album on Bandcamp.com alongside the old ones. They insist on streaming it for free and I’m just not ready and willing to do that. Yes you will be able to hear it for free on Spotify and LastFM and the like but I do get paid for those. Albeit less than a penny a go – but it’s the principle not the money! At best I hope to break even on this album. I don’t think I’ll make any profit. I have priced it (where I have control) at the lowest feasible price. You are just going to have to get your wallets and purses out to own a copy. It should be priced at around 6-9 pounds. If anywhere is charging more than that - then don’t buy it from them as they are ripping you off! As it’s on my own label I make around 2 quid per album, which is a big percentage compared to what the big artists get who are signed to major labels get (around 10p per album would you believe?!) but remember… I will sell far, far fewer units and will probably LOSE money on it – so for that reason apart from any other, I’d be grateful if you just bought it. Then - if I don’t lose my shirt on it – I’ll make another one next year.
Finally, I have been informed recently how many people are reading this blog every week. There are loads of you. It’s nice to see that I have finally done something that is successful! I don’t want to type blogs for a living – so go and pre-order my new album, ya fuckers!
This one is for my mam. It was her birthday last week. I hope she never stumbles across my blog but if she does… I love her very very much and plead forgiveness for the ‘F’ing and ‘C’ing! (no worse than your ‘Big Brother’).
Pre-order the new Meiosis album, ‘Where Reality Ends and I Begin’ here: http://www.musicbymeiosis.com
Buy tickets for the “David Bowie” gig that Martin is organising in Newcastle on 26th November here: http://www.wegottickets.com/event/121285