I LOVE IMMIGRANTS, ME
Everybody should have a blog, right? The reason I started a blog was that it would be a way of having something within my website that is regularly updated and drives traffic to what would otherwise be a stale and barren wasteland of shitty homemade music videos and poorly executed musical ideas. Having said that, it can occasionally serve as a platform to be able to voice my internal monologue on subjects which would otherwise be met with a resounding ‘fuck off’, should I be asked on a social networking website such as that Facebook or the Twitters… or just for a punt, let’s throw it in there… Google+ (ha ha ha! I mentioned Google+ as if it was a credible social networking website. It is funny because I know you all wanted me to mention ‘Face Party’… and that is funny because I still haven’t mentioned Justin Timberlake’s Murdochspace).
I like to try to update my blog every couple of weeks. This routine I force upon myself can lead me to write complete drivel regarding my hatred for popular culture, looking at light bulbs or embarrassing confessions that I’d prefer not to be engraved on the internet forever.
However, occasionally I can use it to spread a message that is important to voice to the world at large. If something strikes a chord and fills me with rage, instead of beating the shit out of a defenceless lollipop lady or updating my status to ‘fucked off’, I can regurgitate my thoughts onto the internet like a big puddle of emotional and opinionated vomit.
So if your political opinions lean to the left wing, you are more likely to weave your yoghurt in a blog like this one rather than… say for instance… organise a rally or go on a big march through the middle of the city centre, creating a physical flash point for resistance to your controversial political stances and a focus for the yobbish attitudes of the dim-witted, benefit-scrounging, jogging-bottomed, fuck-witted scum of the underclass that congregate on a Saturday afternoon.
Now, if you found me referring to the impoverished, less affluent folk of the UK as “dim-witted, benefit-scrounging, jogging-bottomed, fuck-witted scum of the underclass” offensive there… do not worry as there is no need for you to be offended. The reason you should not be offended by me referring to those less fortunate in life as “dim-witted, benefit-scrounging, jogging-bottomed, fuck-witted scum of the underclass “ is that, because you are reading a blog on the internet, perhaps on your new-fangled Apple ayePhone or Nokia Nig-Nog, you will probably understand the concept of irony and have the intelligence to be able to read between the lines of the words I have typed in order to reveal the actual point I am making.
This Saturday, the English Defence League have organised a ‘march’ right through the middle of my wonderful home city of Newcastle upon Tyne. This ‘march’ shouldn’t take any one of us by surprise as it is organised on an annual basis. I’d like to think that the ‘march’ is organised because we live in a free and wonderful democratic country and it is a way of diverting attention to a political viewpoint that some are opposed to, and generate discussion. But let’s face it. Nobody with reasonable left, right or centre viewpoints ever feels the need to organise a ‘march’ via an otherwise liberal and politically correct city centre. In the past I have got involved. A few years ago, I organised a gig in aid of the great little charity ‘Love Music, Hate Racism’ and their parents ‘Unite Against Fascism’. Nobody attended. That’s probably because if you have reasonable political views you are unlikely to oppose extreme political views by physically attending an event. You are more likely to read and nod quietly in agreement with a blog on the internet. Our wonderful friends at ‘Unite Against Fascism’ are organising a counter ‘march’ again this year, but I feel this just creates the flashpoint for violence and clashes that some of our fellow humans of the EDL persuasion so inhumanly crave to unleash their violent and disgusting animal urges.
So, perhaps the only option left available - is stay home and write your blog in support of your reasonable political mind and post it on various social media websites for your various fascist Facebook ‘friends’ or just for a laugh into your intimate Google+ circle.
My experiences with dealing with these people over the years has been varied, having worked with the Police Force in dealing with the logistics of handling the influx of hundreds of impoverished, angry, predominately Caucasian fuck-witted extremists waving flags and sporting unsportingly gravy-stained jogging bottoms, and the counter-influx of another few hundred equally concerned middle-aged, yoghurt weaving, lefty, tax-dodging ‘Do-Gooders’ wearing the united colours of Benetton. That is a logistical nightmare. Yes… I did work at one point, at a day job with the Police Force. It was horrible and completely at polar opposites with my own ethics – but on the plus side – I HAVE had my lunch break with an Alsatian. My work in the past with anti-fascism charities and my general intelligence level enabling me to carry out my own research (i.e. being able to read) completely and totally qualifies me to comment on this subject. And hey… as I am a gay man… some of my best friends are black or ‘Paki’.
Oh now, look… what has happened now is I have ended a paragraph by being off-handedly and possibly deliberately racist. What I should probably do now is write another long paragraph to explain and qualify the reasons why I have done that. However, I am not going to do so as, if you remember earlier, I mentioned something about “reading between the lines”, and the use of irony. Perhaps instead of me explaining the complexities of this usage, you should use your mind and your brain to work that one out before embarking on a tedious and boring argument with me on Twitter, which I will ultimately win anyway. For those of you still unsure why I did that, the brutal reason is that I did so just in order to use a derogatory racist term in the same paragraph as when I was referring to the Police Force. It looks good on Google searches.
So the best course of action is not to counter ‘march’ or flee the city centre but to simply ignore them. Ignore the people, ignore their opinions, do nothing at all to publicise their poorly conceived and ill thought out cause. Definitely do not under any circumstances write about it on your now compulsory blog page. Whilst I am at it… if you are outraged by a sexist, homophobic or racist article in the Mail Online which ultimately serves as a source of advertising revenue to raise money to create the time machine which will transport us all back to the time before Diana, Princess of Wales, died so that they can write about her devious and various sexual relationships with multi-millionaires… do not re-tweet it. Do not link to it. Do not even consider organising your thoughts into an opposing viewpoint… simply ignore it.
Ignore everything until a day in the month of May, when you can walk into a prefabricated steel shed, primary school or community centre and put a cross on a piece of paper. You have no right to complain about the BNP or UKIP or the Liberal Democrats or Labour or Tories having any kind of parliamentary power in the world if you have not voted in the election that elected them. If you are a taxi driver do not dress up your forthright opinions and wish to vote for the British National Party as a ‘protest vote’, when you could just as easily support your useless protest by voting for The Monster Raving Loony Party or the Green Party. I’m generalising again… not ALL taxi drivers are racist. Some of them are foreign.
I love immigrants me. I have rarely seen a doctor whose accent I can understand and that’s because many qualified doctors came to help out our shortage in the NHS many years ago. In return they received prosperity and respect, however I feel it is very ‘British’ of me to never really fully know what is actually wrong with me. It is patriotic to think of this wonderful United Kingdom in which we live as diverse and welcoming, offering prosperity to those who wish to pack up and join us while plugging the gap in some of our lowly paid but much needed services which we take for granted. If you eat our national dish, which is definitely curry, the most popular of which is the tikka or the vindaloo – both of which have their origins in Birmingham – you’re still going to have to telephone an Indian to make it for you. If you want a corner shop, you’re gonna need a Pakistani family, if you want some plumbing done – you are inevitably going to need a Pole (although pipes are better). I’m generalising again but I think you will find it rings true. People with more money and not enough sense to love the diversity of our beautiful country tend to emigrate to France, Italy or Spain where, ironically, they will be loathed and hated with as much venom but the locals as they have themselves shown to immigrants in their own country from which they have fled. Put yourself in somebody else’s shoes. Our country is awesome, wouldn’t you want to live here too?
I will end with a story I know is true but will word very carefully, so as not to libel anybody or any group:
A lady, a member of an extremist UK political party, came to an anti-fascist collective meeting to guiltily confess she wished to defect away from their politics and join their group as a way of recompensing her debt to society. She said she joined on a matter of domestic policy but after hearing some of the things that were said and knowing their ultimate goal, she felt unwilling to agree to and, indeed, completely at odds with their views. She felt she had to act upon her thoughts. The collective asked her, instead of leaving the party, could she remain a member and attend the meetings with a hidden microphone and recording device. I was not so much surprised as perhaps unprepared and astounded to hear what was recorded:
Prominent party figure 1: “Raping a woman is like force-feeding them chocolate, because women like chocolate.”
Prominent party figure 2: “The speech was all nice for the PR [public relations] but don’t worry about the nice face we put on it. The ultimate policy is still ‘The Final Solution’.”
Fuck a duck! For those not privy to Nazism – ‘The Final Solution’ was Hitler talk for mass genocide.
Make sure you vote next time.