HERE I AM, HERE I AM, HERE I AM
For someone who wishes to remain laid back and does not wish to remain an angry tall man forever, I have remained remarkably calm about people who are not disabled parking in disabled parking bays. What has happened is that, over time and years and decades and… that’s what time is no? I have harnessed resentment for those whom I have always considered to be on the same side as me.
How many times have I been beaten to a cashpoint near to some disabled parking bays? About 7 – that’s how many! SEVEN!! How many times have I been chastised for using a disabled toilet because it’s the only visible toilet when I am about to do a wee all over my trousers? NEVER! Never! The reason being, I suppose, is that firstly, I usually check to see if any disabled people would like to use the toilet within the 20 seconds that I will be unfuelling myself of this horrible wee wee mess that I have got myself into and also because if I do need a wee wee that badly then I am probably technically disabled.
Anyway, just stop parking in disabled parking bays when you don’t need them. The other thing I hate about Guardian readers is that you tend to be far too liberal for your own good and you don’t take your own ideas seriously. I recycled enough empty cans of beer to make 2 Mini Metros, a small tower block in Lewisham and 3 787 Dreamliner aeroplanes in the last 3 months but I still get interrupted from doing such things because I get annoyed when some Doh-doh pulls up in a car outside of my house at 9pm (when I am trying to sleep) and parp–parps their horn because they cannot be bothered to get out of their car and either knock or ring their participant’s doorbell.
What I admire about Nigel Farage now is that he will never be caught using a disabled toilet or even parking in a disabled bay because it would be a faux pas for him now. He now has to be so nice to avoid criticism that he will become the perfect human being. A super human, who might be able to admit his publicity fault as he goes and become the most honest politician that we have in the land. Obviously, I hate him and I hope he dies... but I have to admire him for that. And who had created that persona? He hasn’t done it himself – it’s you and your constant berating of him. It’s me too – I admit, I took the piss out of him – but I realised that he’s very much like Superman and Kryptonite, being that what does not kill him will only make him stronger and we all know that Superman is very much a thing of yesteryear and also in favour of keeping disabled parking bays free & available for Blue Badge holders to use as and when they pitch up and not just to ‘pop to the shop for a minute’ to buy some wank and some spunk for you to enjoy, whilst you and ‘The Missus’ watch ‘Strictly Cum X Flunking On a BeanBag’ in 1972.
That’s fine! It’s fine… if people want to do that behind closed doors… that’s fine – but they don’t. I remember when social media was just for The Gays – before Facebook & Twitter, Googlemaps and iPeadia (it’s a Governmeny Beta tested site) we just used to talk to each other on a thing called Gaydar. It was brilliant - as you could meet all of your ex boyfriend’s current boyfriends on there. I’m not saying that all gay men are promiscuous… I’m just saying that all the ones who have ever fucked with me are. We talked about being gay and connected via our one thing we had in common which was how difficult it was to be gay… and then … we’d probably have sex. The difference with social media now is that it is full of people I’d rather not have sex with and to be honest it has put me off sex forever. I’m not saying that all gay men being slags has incidentally created social media, it is just coincidentally what I think. And you wouldn’t think to look at me, that I had ever had sex ever, never mind with or without animals* so you can just forget that thought. I told you to forget it.
My true fear has always been that I will become the guy from The League of Gentlemen, Les, who would always carry on giving his tapes out for free to anybody who spoke to him, regardless of whether they were interested. I sent a target, when I was 12, and again when I was 18, and again when I was 21, and again when I was 29, and. Well - it was that ‘Jarvis Cocker became famous when he was 32 – so I have all this time to do what I want & then become famous for it’.
At my gig last week at The Central in Gateshead, I felt I came close. I, at last feel that my music is up to the standards that I set myself when I was 12. I’m not very good at promoting myself and a bit rubbish at some technical stuff I should know too but – I think I’m there now. I was considering giving up the whole MEIOSIS thing for a while last year – but could not think of anything I’d like to do better instead, so I will keep going until I’m dead. I will continue to refuse to park in disabled bays at my own convenience, I will not parp my horn outside of your house at any time of the day. *I have never had, or wanted to have sex with an animal, I will always try to entertain you. The amount of thought and preparation that goes into a MEIOSIS gig has now become too much for me since I converted to Judaism, sorry not Judaism, I mean Cubase VST Pro 2012.
VOTE!!! Labour, Green Party, or Conservative, BNP, Liberal Democrats, Monster Raving Looney Party (now sadly defuct) PLEASE, Please VOTE!!!!
I all honesty, It’d be nice if loads of people loved MEIOSIS now but as it turns out, I’m not that bothered, I’m nearly 32 and that target I set myself in 1995 should no longer be realistic. Now I’m just going to have to be content with what I am. A silly little cult act that they had in that Newcastle once, with a foul talking giraffe and acoustic guitar & big ideas.
Russell Brand has now made it harder for liberal people to vote because lots of liberal people like him and they will be like ‘yeah, let’s not vote… it’s so fucking liberal’ – well If you haven’t heard my album Songs for 20 Something Year Olds, that I made 3 years ago yet then you are a fucking idiot. A stupid young idiot, who does not know how much damage you can do by not voting. If more people who are in their 20s voted, we’d wiped out this government & send a clear message. Nigel Fargo would not be a player at all. That’s revolution. Let’s do that.
I do quite love how some people do not know how to say Meiosis. I remember having a poster up in a venue that was so derogatory, I took it down and kept it. Obviously I can’t find it now, when it matters again… or else I’d post it here. But there is something about the essence of Meiosis that I enjoy. Arguably, I’m better at being a promoter or a DJ, or Podcaster, or maybe just a blogger… but it’s Meiosis that I love doing and really really want to do that forever. Because that’s what the 12 year-old me would have wanted me to do. I love all of the other things I do- but nothing comes close to how much I love creating music, writing songs & lyrics & then performing them in front of 5 or maybe, if I’m lucky, 12 people in my hometown of Newcastle. And if you don’t like that, Nigel, well I had a mental breakdown 5 years ago and I’m still here to tell the story, so fuck you!
I am not very good at writing about my own music. Look at the above. I just want you to listen. We have loads of Meiosis albums now available for free (Listen to them on Spotify as I make some money there) or just listen to one of our podcasts – the 2nd series of The Friendly Atmosphere Newcastle Music Scene Podcast is one of my proudest achievements to date. As is also Hang the DJs Retrospect at WHQ or Live at the Red Rooms – I know I’m not as good at blogging as I used to be. I know I’m now going to have to be content with being a cunt… sorry... a cult artist.
Here is my latest video that I made (with help from Newcastle City Council) for my song T. Dan from my latest album, Something Funny Happened on my Way to Utopia. T. Dan Smith was a remarkable man whom, when I first learned about his demeanours, I became a bit annoyed with – but upon relentless research in order to write a song about him, I think I really kind of like him now. He is responsible for many buildings in Newcastle that were once consider an eyesore which I think should now be preserved. I love T. Dan Smith – maybe he & I are similar in not so strangely disparaging ways. I bet T. Dan would have thought Nigel Farage a cunt as well…. but would have argued the case better.