THE DEATH OF HUMAN KIND AND INSTRUMENTAL FINDS
My album is out. Almost very nearly properly! There’s a little delay getting the physical copies to the distributor – if you’d like to know the reason why and who is responsible then it’s because some dafty at the record company didn’t know the CDs had to be shipped to America for worldwide distribution. I’ll not name any names but I’ll be going down on them like a ton of bricks (just imagine that!)
So, since I have done EVERYTHING to do with this album all by myself, I suppose I have done an OK half-arsed job. For the moment you can only get a physical CD copy from the store on this website. We have plenty of MP3 copies out there now for you so hurry along to iTunes or Amazon or wherever your local MP3 store is and grab a copy while stocks last. Here’s a link to a shop: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/meiosis
Since I have pretty much done no promotion whatsoever for the album I can’t see it beating Kelly Clarkson to the #1 spot this Sunday unless I die under extremely suspicious circumstances before Friday. There is no real rush though I suppose, so I’ll wait until later in life so I can really reap the benefits of a brand new posthumous album in my retirement. I see the great Michael Jackson has been successful at this and other promotional tactics later in his career and it’d be great to follow in his moonwalking footsteps.
I saw today the inquest into Amy Winehouse’s death has recorded a verdict of ‘misadventure’ as the cause of her death. There’s not really any surprise with that but what I did find interesting was the amount of alcohol found in her body. 416mg per 100 ml may sound like a great deal but when you do a bit of maths and work out in layman’s terms how much alcohol that actually is you realise that it’s not really that much more than some of the young cool kids put away on a boozy night out. My maths is appalling so I may have got this wrong but I reckon that’s roughly 2 and a bit full bottles of vodka or roughly 37 cans of standard larger (at about 5% volume). Use the contact tab if your maths is any better! I think there are a lot of people around who put away 24 cans when attending a football match on a Saturday without even thinking about it, or get themselves plastered on a bottle of vodka in one sitting on a night out. It puts it all into perspective when you don’t have to go that much further to actually put yourself to death.
I don’t drink nearly as much as that anymore, but I’m sure I can say I have drunk roughly the same as that in one sitting in the past. Fair enough on those days it probably wouldn’t have been the alcohol that would have killed me and more likely be a car, my own stupid brain or even a spiral staircase. Sometimes we don’t realise we are punishing our own bodies when indulging in such happy and glorious stupidity but we should probably hold up Ms Winehouse’s case as an example to all daft 20-something year-olds who see this kind of intake as the norm. It all ties in with drink, depression and ever spiralling circles (not just staircases). It’s a shame that there have been many, and will be countless more, who don’t attract any media attention.
So although that strategy has also proven to work for albums sales, I think I prefer Michael Jackson’s method as at least he just had to cancel a few live dates that he didn’t want to do anyway, due to dying. He didn’t waste an entire very lucrative career and can now enjoy his retirement. Timing is everything in this game.
It may be easy in this day and age to say that ‘all the greats die young’. But they don’t, do they? There are many still alive or who have lived to a ripe old age. What should really be said is ‘if you really want to make a fucking fortune, die’.
On a lighter note, if you remember me telling you about me finding 100 year-old train timetables in my old piano after I smashed it up, then you may be interested to know that I smashed up another musical instrument last week, namely an old Yamaha organ and found inside a small ‘God’s Way Of Salvation’ booklet by Alexander Marshall which was kind of interesting as I thought, being a prejudiced old bugger, ‘my organ has been working in some happy-clappy gospel church. Awesome!’ I then found a book with colourful pictures depicting animals on Noah’s ark. The book is made of nylon and looks very much as if it has been made very lovingly by hand. So, I’m keeping those! I’m very happy with my find on this one! Incidentally kids, if you’d like to take up ‘finding things in old musical instruments’, what you will need is:
*1 very old musical instrument that you either don’t care for or can’t house or sell (keyboard instruments appear to be the most fruitful).
*1 open space
*Some eyes and a mind
Method: Add musical instrument to open space then apply hammer vigorously and disturbingly (scream if you like whilst doing so, or if you prefer just call out randomly “die, die”). Use the eyes and the mind to determine whether the stuff that falls out is awesome or not.
Do write in with your awesome finds.
I think you should buy some tickets to see “DAVID BOWIE” at Newcastle’s World Headquarters on Saturday 26th November.
I think you should buy my new album ‘Where Reality Ends and I Begin’.