THIS GUY SAT DOWN TO WRITE A BLOG, YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT…
I have become intrigued by the ‘Vampire Rabbit of Newcastle’. So much so, that I am considering naming my next album (in shops 2016) after him. He’s carved of stone and is stuck to a building behind St Nicholas’ Cathedral. Yeah kidz, Newcastle has 2 cathedrals because we are pretty thorough when it comes to making an exhibition of ourselves. A famous person once said “most cities build their cathedrals on the highest hill, in Newcastle they built a football ground”. Which will please some of the Meiosis fans out there who also happen to be Kick A Ball Game fans. Anyway, the vampire rabbit is on this building and nobody really knows why it is there or how it came about. A couple of stories exist. One says that it is not a rabbit but it is in fact a hare and after being damaged its ears were stuck back on back to front, thus giving it the appearance of a rabbit. My problem with this story, even if it is true, is that it does not explain anything about the Vampire Rabbit as all it does is change the protagonist’s role in the story from being the creature of a rabbit carved from stone to the creature of a hare carved out of stone and we are still none the wiser as to why it is there and what it was intended (if anything) to represent.
The other story, which also has never been verified, so is probably a wonderful work of fiction, is that it was placed there to warn off any would-be grave robbers who would operate in the Cathedral’s church yard. I think this grave robber’s scarecrow explanation may have been plausible had it not been for the thing being a freakin’ rabbit! A rabbit – the cutest animal known to man!
By the time this blog is published in whatever big book that @ILikeThisBetter publishes my blog in – she says it’s called ‘The Internet’ but I don’t believe her either, not because it’s an implausible story, but because she is both a murderer and a whore. Well… I admit, she is not a murderer yet but the history books and statute law will prove me correct in time eventually. And she is definitely already a whore… There will be some kind of stock internet image of The Vampire Rabbit Of Newcastle posted below so that you can see that I have not gone mad and it does actually exist. If anyone is interested in having a look for themselves it’s located above the doorway of a building behind St. Nicholas Cathedral. It really doesn’t look like it belongs to the building it’s attached to either, which makes it look even more weird and is probably why I have come to love it so much. If you would like to create your own theory and internet rumour as to why it exists, then please do start them off as it may be good promotion for my next album (in shops 2016).
I am considering doing a walking tour guide of Newcastle podcast – I’m sure that will be a lot of fun!
Talking of podcasts, our good young Whitley Bay based chum, who was featured in our Friendly Atmosphere Newcastle Music Scene Podcast, Euan Lynn, has been in touch to say that he has a new E.P. out! – ‘Endless Summer’ will be released at www.euanlynn.bandcamp.com as a free download and will also be available on self-released cassettes and CDS. My affection for his Nintendo Game Boy based tunes will be of no secret to regular readers of this blog (and other things I inflict on that internet they have now) and having listened to this 5 track E.P. I am pleased to report he is still very much at the top of his game when it comes to writing surf punk songs using a Gameboy as a backing band. However, I am very very disappointed that he has not yet employed a soft toy to represent another person on the stage when playing live and whilst I’m at it – who the fuck uses backing tracks to play live these days?! What is all that about?! Fucking amateurs.
Apart from that, you should go and buy his CDs and Cassettes or at the very least download for FREE his new EP as it’s rather lovely! It’s infectious and very easy listening when every song clocks in at under 2 minutes. In fact the entire EP can be listened to as a whole whilst doing [insert any recreation that lasts 13 minutes – I was going to suggest a ‘long poo’ as I am fully aware that that is what most of you are participating in whilst you are reading this blog. I know this, firstly because I am acutely self-aware enough to know it’s not bedtime reading material and also because some of you have contacted me and told me so. Please wash your hands afterwards] so you can go-ahead on my recommendation for this week’s blog and…
Order/download Euan Lynn’s ‘Endless Summer EP’ here:
I reckon he sells more records than I do. The fucking cunt.
(I wonder why??)
Michelangelo, Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael were not only great painters but also a question on ‘Pointless’ the other day. However, in this instance, it was regarding their namesakes in the popular cartoon version of ‘Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles’. “Name one of the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles” was basically the question. Now I was surprised not to be confronted with something more tasking like “name any character from the cartoon ‘Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles’ “ in which I would have chosen Rocksteady – but no… or perhaps something involving their filmic ninja equivalents but NO!... the question was to name one of the 4 from the cartoon. So I decided upon Raphael. I decided he would be the least known out of the four cartoon turtles. I felt awful as I had to, once again, choose between the 4. In the primary school yard I think I usually played the role of Donatello, but in this instance I had to choose one of the fab four that wasn’t as popular as the rest. And on this occasion in 2015, rather than in 1991, I had to basically choose rubbish ‘Hero Turtle’. I chose Raphael. I was right, it was the lowest answer… but it was harrowing for me, and let’s let it be knowing now that I would never willingly or intentionally mock a ‘Hero Turtle’. Sometimes, accidentally – yeah you know what it’s like, you let your potty mouth go and the next thing you know, you wake up in the morning and you feel guilty because you’ve yet again took the piss out of a turtle. Raphael, if you’re reading, I’m really sorry, dude! In fact… “COWABUNGA, DUDE!” – bloody hell, who the fuck says, ‘DUDE!’ these days? It’s almost as bad as playing ‘live’ with backing tracks, who do these flunks think they are? Raphael was the WORST ‘Hero Turtle’. He didn’t even have a spade to make a hole with to tunnel underground & escape… he didn’t even ‘dig’ pizza that much. Nah Raphael appears to be a turtle, up shit creek without a spade to dig a hole with… and with that I’m fine but….
He’s nothing. And anything? At least Leonardo, as square as he was, still had a lovely chocolate biscuit named after him* and Michelangelo was trying to be humorous and Donatello invented things... but what can you say? Anyway… I don’t want to just single one Hero Turtle out and take the piss out of him. It’s not fair. In a way – maybe working as a team - that’s why they were ‘heroes’. As I said - I don’t want to intentionally embarrass a turtle, even if he can’t dig a hole. And if I find ANYONE jesting about a Turtle … OR playing live to ‘so called backing tracks’ then they will be punished by… The Devil Rabbit Of Newcatle!!!! So… enough said.
*Blue Riband innit? … tap tap… Is this thing on?
So whilst I’m here I suppose I might as well tell you about some of the things I’m doing creatively at the moment. I have started thinking about series 3 of ‘Friendly Atmosphere Newcastle Music Scene Podcast’ – I don’t think Alex wants to be involved this time and that’s fine as it gives me an opportunity to give the concept a fresh start. I don’t know what that concept will be yet but I’m currently baking a few ideas. If you want to submit music then please do so via my email: Music ByMeiosis at Gmail.com [If you are clever enough to realise why I have to type my email addy in a blog like that, then you have already passed the first test for being in the podcast, if not, why not copy & paste that link as it is into your email browser and type up as many questions as you can centering upon the subject of ‘WHY??!’] It’s basically a podcast about the Newcastle Music Scene and I’m kinda looking forward to making it about that a little more than it was on the last series, although I am still very very proud of the last 2 series – I think there’s a lot of scope to cover how, when we were scared to be informative, we just tried to make it really fucking funny and entertaining. I think I’d like to make it all things at once. Funnier, more informative and more entertaining. We’ll see what happens!
I have started writing songs for a new Meiosis album (might be called ‘The Vampire Rabbit of Newcastle’ – In shops 2016)
I will be playing nearly live (I’m using backing tracks) at The Mad Hatter Festival All Dayer at The Cluny this Saturday (31st January). Entry is £5 and all profit goes to the brilliant little local charity Northumbia Coalition Against Crime , which, in a nutshell, kinda puts kids back on the right track in life before they turn into turn to a life of crime. It’s my 5th time doing this gig and it’s usually my favourite show of the year – so please if you are spare on Saturday in Newcastle, come down to the Cluny from 3pm to hear us all play some tunes (there is usually some cake available too). I think I’m quite low on the bill so I reckon around 5pm for Meiosis – so definitely worth coming down early!
The Bowie Experience
I think I have used up all of my promotional words on my pitch to you for Euan Lynn so I think I will be honest and tell you how it is exactly.
This will be the third time I have put on The Bowie Experience in Newcastle. Last time was going to be the last time but Laurence (Mr Bowie) twisted my arm as they love playing here so much that they wanted to come back again. I tried to recommend some promoters and venues in Newcastle for him to be able to do that but it soon became clear that I appear to be the only man who can put his band on properly without compromise. So… I got in contact with The Cluny and was very very pleased to receive the email in which they said they’d be happy to host it. So I’m really really happy that I’m in this situation again, selling tickets to see The Bowie Experience Live In Newcastle and this time at The Cluny, which frankly, is going to be amazing! It costs quite a lot of money to put this kind of show on and that’s why you find me Tweeting and Facebooking about it almost every single day. We need to sell out or else I lose a lot of money! I did my research too, and have done again, The Bowie Experience are the best David Bowie tribute band available to hire on Earth. They are just one man short of hiring David Bowie himself, and the one man who fills David Bowie’s shoes in this band is called Laurence and he’s only, when performing, about 1 inch short of fulfilling your dreams of seeing David Bowie’s wonderful music being played out live in front of you – until they end and the inch closes to within 1 tiny fraction of you that goes ‘for a minute there I lost myself… I thought it was David Bowie. It wasn’t David Bowie though was it? Was it?’ All I can say is that I have never seen the two of them in the same room!
Really. It’s £10 (which I think is still too cheap but I’m working with it!) and this will be your last time to see The Bowie Experience in Newcastle unless Laurence twists my arm moderately harder and I have to give in again! If this goes well – we might do more of it. ‘Blur’ have asked if they can play and I’d love to get ‘Viva Morrissey’ back again but the last I’d heard from them was the email to say they’d split up (I was expecting a follow up to say they’d reformed but it doesn’t seem to have happened).
Anyway, I do really love putting these big expensive tribute acts on in our tiny venues but I need you to buy tickets in advance for them to work. Tickets for this year’s Bowie Experience show are selling rather well at the moment. About 1/3 of my online allocation have gone via http://www.wegottickets.com/event/296818 - RPM and The Cluny have tickets too (and if you bump into me - I have 14 tickets left in my pocket!) I have left allocation for paying on the door – but not a lot!
^^^ Just buy a ticket from that link! ^^^
Brothers you know what I mean!
As always, I’ll leave you with a selected YouTube Video,
The Mock Turtle with Can you Dig It?