I am very busy and have been for most of the year. I’m surprised I have got through to October without either serious mental illness and/or death. I am however now feeling that I may have made a mistake. I should have possibly started to slow down a bit but because I have got so used to the idea of being so unbelievably busy I have decided that I am now superhuman and I can do anything and everything all in one go. Well I am wrong. As now, at the final hurdle, I appear to be making mistakes and unable to cope with the load of stuff I have organised for myself to do. I will get through it but when I do my reward will be Christmas which I find annoying, stressful and painful!
I am often jealous of those who can live like this without ever feeling the pain. Holding down a full time job and being good at what they do outside of it is a talent in itself. It’s time to cut back on my trades. You know what they say about a jack of all trades? This appears to be happening naturally for me anyway. I think this David Bowie gig I am putting on in a couple of months will be “not only the last show of the tour but the last show that I will ever do” – for anybody unfamiliar that was a dead clever and appropriate Bowie reference, but just to clarify I’m going to stop putting gigs on! Also I have singlehandedly organised every Meiosis gig and acted as promoter as well as performer. I’m a bit tired of doing that so I think it’s about time I just opened myself up to the idea of other promoters booking me. The band I have been managing for the last couple of years appears to be in a state of suspended animation so there’s very little work to be done there until the ‘good’ scientist pitches up with his cryogenically-unfreezing machine and undoes the work of the evil mad scientist who has put them in this state. So as I say, things appear to be winding themselves down naturally without me having to intervene.
I have been rather stressed, grumpy and awkward this week. I stand by my stressed, grumpy and awkward attitude because I think I deserve to be from time to time. I find some people can be unreliable, irresponsible and rude throughout most of my dealings with them. Generally I tend to just avoid this by skirting around potential annoyances or ignoring them or putting up with it. There comes a time when your patience wears thin and you start to snap at silly things that don’t really matter but could if needs be dropped into their little box of either unreliable, irresponsible or rude.
So I wonder to myself ‘is this just me, have I finally cracked or am I perfectly within my rights to be a grumpy bastard because I am continuously let down by other members of the human race?’ Complicated isn’t it? So I think I may be able to draw a line under the matter now by deciding that it’s probably a bit of both and let’s move on. It’s ironic when you are unable to sort out promotion for your very imminent forthcoming album which has the concept of depression surrounding it because you are too depressed. I have been able to take little to no interest in anything this week which means that now I have to drag myself out of the dumps because deadlines are even closer thus giving me less time and heightening my stress levels. I now stand a far greater chance of fucking this entire business up!
I may have marketed this album all wrong anyway. I haven’t done a lot to draw people in but then I am fearful of who I draw in. I think if I pretend to be the kind of musician I am not then there’s not much point. I don’t particularly want to draw people in. Consequently, I’d like them to latch on almost by accident. I’m a little too old now to piss about and I need to get straight to the point – very similar in fact to bands like Coldplay or Oasis who spent the first couple of years of their career wasting their time making reasonably decent and credible music and later moved on to churning out complete musical regurgitated dog vomit. That’s what the kidz want these days innit? Complete unimaginative shite.
Imagine if I was attempting to promote what I knew was regurgitated dog vomit? I know my music is not that amazing and I constantly strive to do better but I deliver the best I can possibly manage and constantly bin what is definitely crowd pleasing, mindless, re-hashed sex muck. I’m sure that a lot of musicians after a certain amount of notoriety and fame lose the ability to exercise this kind of self-censorship but I’m pleased to say that I am still very much on it. Why? Because no fucker gives a shit about a 30 year-old, balding, lanky man with a suit and an iPod standing on a stage insulting people via the means of a ½ foot tall stuffed giraffe. Why you may ask? Well indeed – when I put it like that I sound so very irresistibly appealing!
Anyway, this is probably just me aging and maturing a bit. I’m already quite inexplicably annoyed or maybe perhaps jealous of anybody who’s ten years younger than me. Anybody who pays attention to fashion or who can refer to the comedian Russell Howard as a ‘man’ rather than a ‘boy’. It’s frightening to see how quickly a whole slab of your life can disappear and that you have been slow on the uptake as you still see yourself as something that you no longer are. It doesn’t help either that somebody somewhere is spinning the year cycle faster with each passing year. I really need him to slow down as I can’t keep up. It would be much fairer if time could slow down with you as you get older, not speed up way ahead of your failing body and mind. I can see in the distant future I’m going to pencil in February to June just to get to the shops and back before my tea (July to September).
So the next fortnight or so will be about organising time and getting things done. September has sneaked past me without even stopping to say “hello”. I never really liked September and always thought it an arrogant bastard anyway. I will now embrace October (who is a lot more thoughtful) and make sure I can get through everything I have set myself to do without causing myself too much damage and/or death. I’m pretty sure I can do it. I just need to keep my eye on the ball for the last little bit.
If you want to help Martin avoid having a full blown-out breakdown go and buy some tickets to The Bowie Experience Live at World Headquarters here: https://www.wegottickets.com/event/121285
Or… go and pre-order his album ‘Where Reality Ends And I Begin’ here