HOW TO HATE SIMON COWELL
(& I HAVEN’T EVEN MENTIONED THE X FACTOR)
Those Mayans banged on about the end of the world as if there was no tomorrow. I’m not sure why they were so concerned. The end of the world happened in 2002 when Simon Cowell took over. Last week the UK government finally made it legal to rip a CD onto your computer. Simon Cowell is livid.
When I say ‘Simon Cowell is livid’ I mean the entire record industry is livid but him being the figurehead of all that is wrong with that industry, then it is he that is most livid.
Why is he livid? Well, if you remember back in the day when you were buying a pack of blank cassettes to record the top 40 off the radio or make a copy of your new favourite band to give to your mate to listen to, the record industry insisted that the manufacturers who produced the tiny 10p pieces of plastic & magnetism charge you a whopping £3.99 for four of them. This is because they needed to be compensated for the obvious copyright infringement that they would inevitably incur if you bought a pack of the little buggers. The same went for blank CDs when they came along and it was agreed it would be illegal and horrible should someone take an album and content they had purchased to listen to and stuck it into a computer and then onto an MP3 player. Simon Cowell wanted you to pay another £7.99 to download the album again in another format.
That’s assuming the reason you were buying blank CDs was to rip albums from the internet and flog them at Stanley Market on a Saturday morning. That’s very illegal and rightly remains so, but nonetheless you were basically paying a small fine every time you purchased a blank CD. What if you are an independent small-time DIY musician and you need to buy 100 blank CDs in order to hand out some free recordings of your own music at a gig? Well it’s just as well you’ve paid your fine to Simon Cowell up front as he doesn’t like you either. However that’s just because you are the single most defiant thing that may mean he dies poor and lonely. Keep at it.
The reason I’m so happy about the little change in the law is that it only highlights how vicious and evil the music industry is. Oh… and who is the manufacturer who produced the blank cassettes and CDs? It’s Sony. Yeah - Sony who made the albums, who made the cassettes, who made the Walkman for you to play it on. Fuck off Sony! The battle is won but the war is not over.
I mean they definitely have not been artificially enhancing their YouTube hits by getting monkeys to sit in an office all day and watch the same video over and over again. They almost certainly did not pay people to go to 5 separate record shops, buy 5 copies of a single in each, and then get them to post back the smashed CDs in an envelope through the cracked window in a BMW for 100 quid a go. Woolworths did not know they were the biggest retailer of CD singles in the country and therefore if a single was to be a number 1 hit, Woolworths HAD to stock it. If they didn’t know that, then that wouldn’t be the reason Woolworths insisted if they were to stock a CD single then they would have to receive the stock for free. That would mean recording artists would not make even their 10p back towards their advance loan that the record company gave them to go and spend in the record company’s own recording studio. I mean that would stink wouldn’t it?
Anyway, on a totally unrelated note, I’m giving ALL of my albums away for FREE on Bandcamp [http://www.meiosis.bandcamp.com] until Friday 25th January, which just so happens to be the day of a gig I’m doing at The Bridge Hotel in Newcastle as part of the annual Mad Hatter shows which are in aid of Coalition Against Crime, which is a marvellous little charity which helps set young people on the right path in life rather than a life of crime. Tickets are cheap and available here: http://www.wegottickets.com/event/191774 - be quick as this will definitely sell out & it’d be nice to get a few Meiosis fans in so I don’t have to bore the arse off all the fans of the bigger acts!
Our second ‘Friendly Atmosphere Newcastle Music Scene Podcast’ podcast is out now on iTunes and at http://www.musicbymeiosis.podomatic.com. This one features an interview with Toxic Melons and lots of local music. We’re on a learning curve with these and Alex & I both agree this one is better than the first. The interview is once again a little difficult to listen to due to a bit too much background noise. Hopefully this problem will be addressed on our 3rd podcast, due out at the end of January. Andrew the Proud from Captain Trips has already agreed to be probed to fuck & I very much look forward to doing that to him. In the meantime, we are very much in need of some more music to play, so if you are a musician in Tyne & Wear (or anywhere else for that matter) please get in touch and send us some songs to play. The aim is to record 6 of these podcasts & then rest until summer/autumn. Your input and support for us trying to ‘big up’ the Newcastle music scene a little is very much appreciated. If you don’t have any music to contribute then a ‘subscribe’ or a download on iTunes is a great way to support us. We are currently 47,768 in the iTunes chart. With your help we could be 47,767 by this time next year.
If you have stuff to send me, the best way to do so is to use the contact tab at http://www.musicbymeiosis.com or send some tweets to @MusicByMeiosis
Simon Cowell has released the song Unchained Melody (off the top of my head, there may be more), 5 times. I believe he started this atrocious campaign against new music with Robson & Jerome in 1995. I hold particular venom for this version as this was the song that stopped my favourite band, Pulp, getting their only and deserved number 1 single with Common People. That’s even before I can contemplate the hatred I had for him, when 5 years later he just fucking released it again but this time with Gareth Gates, and every stupid fucker and their dog bought it again. He’s done it again and again. Simon Cowell has made millions from releasing and then re-releasing Unchained Melody. How many times will the idiot general public lap up Simon Cowell’s regurgitated Unchained Melody? I’m a musician. I get excited by new ideas & creativity. Simon Cowell gets excited by the sight of millions of idiots who will fork out their hard-earned money for him to basically sit at home pulling on his tiny cock with one hand and using the other to tell people on the telephone to sing Unchained Melody. Don’t get me wrong, Unchained Melody is a great song in its original and best form but please, please, please, Simon… leave it alone – and I don’t mean Unchained Melody – I mean your cock.
Unchained Melody was written by Phil Spector, who is a murderer. I have sent a fiver to Ian Huntley just to piss the general public off as much as they do me.
The Verve’s top whatever 1997 hit Bittersweet Symphony contained a sample from a Rolling Stones’ orchestral album that they had not asked permission to use. The copyright holder of the recording cleverly waited for the song to sell 100s of 1000s of copies and then declared he’d like to sue them for stealing his work. He sued for 100% of the royalties and won. Then, having watched this unfold, the man who owned the copyright of the original Rolling Stones’ track that the orchestral album covered decided he’d also be entitled to sue and also wanted 100% of the royalties. He won too. That meant that for every copy of The Verve’s Bittersweet Symphony sold, The Verve had to pay out twice. It meant whenever the track was played on radio, or anywhere else for that matter then The Verve had to pay out the same amount that they should have received.
I’m not sure if that story is true… but I never did really like that The Verve very much:
Happy New Year x